Can't sleep...

It's 4.37 in the morning, I can't sleep, a problem that I've taken with me from Spain I guess. During the last few months I've barely slept "regular hours", instead my whole rhythm just moved a couple of hours forward. Anyways, now I'm just one of those people who doesn't know what to do and thus is surfing the internet for some news and reflecting on things that occurred lately.

Isn't it funny, how in AIESEC we always tell ourselves that we should work for our identity, for our vision, for what we've been doing for so many years now. Well ironically that’s a big lie, since AIESEC hasn’t always been that “fair” as it actually started as something quite elite, discriminating between Europe (West) and the rest of the world. Luckily we could let go of that box thinking and we have been growing and expanding throughout the years. But it’s interesting to look back at the impact we actually had in the past or recent history.

I was partly surprised by the recent news in Spain concerning the cease fire by the ETA. According to the news, they haven’t killed people in the last two years. And now they’ve announced a cease fire. The current government is willing to talk, and now all the eyes are on the ETA and Zapatero. Maybe, who knows in the near future it’ll be possible to get both parties around the table and start peaceful conversations about the problems that Spain has been facing for many years. I’d like to think it’s what AIESEC Spain has been working for as well, although sometimes difficult knowing the current reality of the country. Getting together people from different regions is difficult. Getting them to work with each other is more difficult. But getting them to respect each other is the biggest challenge.

Now the recent elections in Ukraine. After the “Orange Revolution” last year, now the country is again voting for new leadership, but democratically. The big question now concerning many people is what will happen after the elections. It’s so interesting to follow that, even though I’m so not aware of everything and the details. But again, it’s part of what we try to do in AIESEC, at least in my opinion.

Peace and fulfilment has a different meaning for people. For me, AIESEC is not only about world peace (what once was the underlying though of many, and still is). It’s not only about bringing cultures closer. To me it is bigger than that. What would peace mean for somebody who has been living in a dictatorship for over 20 years? Or for somebody living in a country where the government censors media? Or for somebody living in a country that has been torn by internal conflict and now there’s nothing that s/he can fall back on, no education, no social system nothing…

Now in Israel, there are so many young people, “our generation” who are not planning to go to the ballot boxes to vote for new leadership. They say it doesn’t make a difference, because there are no competent candidates. Such a shame, they’ve got so many opportunities but don’t see it or don’t have confidence in a handful of people. In my own country children of 13 years old are making videos of people fighting and publishing them on the internet. The only thing that first year students are thinking about is joining a fraternity/sorority to make friends and get drunk. And they actually think that will help them build their CV. The can’t even rely on their personal capacity of finding good friends and actually doing something relevant while they are studying, they think the first thing they need for that is a brotherhood of “fake” friends.

Yeah, there is definitely a need for AIESEC, and there will always be. And that pops up an important question: Do I still want to be part of AIESEC in the year 2006/2007, or better said, does AIESEC still want me?

I always thought I would stay in AIESEC for many years, which is surprising for a Dutch AIESECer (you probably all know the mentality of Dutch AIESECers, and I’m not particularly proud of some part of that). But lately I don’t know anymore. Finished my term in Spain before the end, got rejected by HK, don’t exactly have the profile for being AIER team, and applying for a leverage country or initiative country sounds great but I guess I don’t exactly have the right references to be elected, same goes for the WENA board. And well what’s left next year a part from that? Not much, most countries have elected the new leadership teams. Most probable seems to be the option of going back to university, and finishing my career although this year’s MC term has cost me dearly, since the university took two years of study away from me by claiming that they’ve become “invalid”.

Anyways, still some time to think, at least until the 15th of April since that is the last application deadline for the current options. I’m curious how next year will look like, guess life sometimes is like a box of chocolates and you don’t always know what you will get. So who knows…

Yesterday is history
Today is a gift
Tomorrow is a mystery

Passion...

Back home in The Netherlands, my adventure in Spain has ended! Although not finished as I thought it would, it has been remarkably strange. Going there trying to change an entire culture which in the end off course never was a success neither should you change a culture, as it is something of the people. In the end I just wanted to change the mindset or passion of the people, however, that to was too overly optimisitic. Over time I lost a lot of things, money, friends, time, motivation, more money, more friends and more time. Strange enough, one thing despite all the losses increased, I became more passionate about what I hope I have done in and hope to be doing in the future...

AIESEC is fantastic, once you really see the contribution and development of people around you on a personal and professional level, that's the biggest reward for the work we are doing. I've seen people grow, I've seen people challenge their existing worldviews, I've seen many things.

And I was so ignorant when I arrived in Spain, now more than a year later it got me. My mistakes, failures, weaknesses, all have been subject to change for the better or worse, it has changed. If I have become a better person, well that's not for me to judge I guess, but by the people around me. I tend to believe that my presence in Spain has not been for nothing, I hope to believe there is a legacy that I left behind.

You should leave footprints in the heart of other people, and you should seek those breathtaking moments whatever that may be for any person.

Now you tell me, did I leave footprints for you, was I part of breathtaking moments that were lived during the last year in Spain? I hope so, I want to believe I did, and I will do so in the future...

Back home...

Only three days left before I'm going back home.

How would it be to be living back home again. I have at least three months to relax, do nothing, visit friends, reflect, and go to ITC 2006 :)

Anyways, in a few days enough time to think! See you in The Netherlands...

Hong Kong...

I remember the first scene from "Match Point" where Chris Wilton talkes about luck, and how sometimes the ball touches the net and in a split second it can either fall on both sides of the net. People underestimate the presence of luck in life.

Maybe that's what happened, or maybe not. Truth is I lost the HK elections by one vote 66.3% and I needed 66.7, what a complete disillusion. How one vote can change your life, it would be the difference in preparing for a year Hong Kong or sitting back home in boring Netherlands.

Luck... or is it that I wasn't convincing enough. Either way, life is characterised by ups and downs. Life wouldn't be as sweet without the bitter. Although at times you would prefer only to have the sweet.

Well, now it's back to The Netherlands and reflect on my future... H4TF???

The good thing is, I have time hmmm plenty of time to reflect. And some people from the HK MC are telling me to reapply since the results have been really supporting. Anways, it's enough for now to sit back and think about what drives me. Since HK was the only choice I made and I completely went for it, it was all of my passion and effort. One country...

H4TF to HK, who knows...

I Don't Want to Be...

I don't need to be anything other than a prison guard's son
I don't need to be anything other than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anyone other than a birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going, is knowing where I'm coming from

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be
I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by an identity crisis everywhere I turn
Am I the only one who noticed?
I can't be the only one who's learned

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think about me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

Can I have everyone's attention please?
If you're not like this and that, you're gonna have to leave
I came from the mountain, the crust of creation
My whole situation - made from clay to stone
And now I'm telling everybody

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I'm trying to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me
I don't want to be